Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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