yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
