Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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