Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There's even glitter on my cock...
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