Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
