Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
