im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
