yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
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We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies