I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My nipple is on Facebook.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How does it feel to date your dad?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag