your room smells of hookers.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.