Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.