I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?