Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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