She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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