Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
