Texts From Last Night

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  (951): View more from California

  I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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  (951): I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it http://tfl.nu/eb7i
  Replies (5) Good night (1121) Bad night (3381)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.

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  (586): The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis. http://tfl.nu/rix3
  Replies (17) Good night (5181) Bad night (1221)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You coming home soon, man?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  HENBARSCLOSE

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  (902): You coming home soon, man? (1-902): HENBARSCLOSE http://tfl.nu/z787
  Replies (7) Good night (4114) Bad night (914)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.

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  (321): Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college. http://tfl.nu/3u34
  Replies (17) Good night (3530) Bad night (999)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.

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  (443): we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out. http://tfl.nu/gq5i
  Replies (9) Good night (2573) Bad night (879)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate

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  (360): Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate http://tfl.nu/9xzc
  Replies (6) Good night (1648) Bad night (676)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently

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  (204): Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently http://tfl.nu/ky82
  Replies (78) Good night (1112) Bad night (3663)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels

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  (803): He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels http://tfl.nu/4za8
  Replies (9) Good night (750) Bad night (1743)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?

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  (520): He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA? http://tfl.nu/u8oz
  Replies (4) Good night (900) Bad night (1006)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.

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  (720): I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help. http://tfl.nu/0nf6
  Replies (5) Good night (514) Bad night (1159)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.

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  (512): Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently. http://tfl.nu/nwru
  Replies (3) Good night (947) Bad night (728)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.

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  (989): If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals. http://tfl.nu/so0f
  Replies (8) Good night (1200) Bad night (502)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."

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  (610): You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would." http://tfl.nu/q6wg
  Replies (0) Good night (840) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..

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  (573): You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door.. http://tfl.nu/x3ci
  Replies (0) Good night (740) Bad night (361)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.

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  (216): it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes. http://tfl.nu/hh6x
  Replies (2) Good night (374) Bad night (213)

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