i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird