Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week