people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it