dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
