Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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