He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
