I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
