Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
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I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
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Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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