I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots