I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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