imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
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To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
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I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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