I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
