Please, let me fuck your mom
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.