You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf