I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.