We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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