She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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