the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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