she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
