U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
