those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
