Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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