i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
