Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
this hospital has no fireball
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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