but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
