Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
