my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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