i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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