Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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