I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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