I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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