Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
