So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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