She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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