That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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