Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
