the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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