Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
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I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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