Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
