it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize