we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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