forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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