So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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