Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
